Executive Order 14099 - Operation Warp Kick

By the authority vested in me as President of the United States, I hereby order the immediate replacement of all NFL kickoffs with a 4th-and-15 play from the "kicking" team’s own 30-yard line, henceforth termed Operation Warp Kick.

This action liberates the sport from the repetitive stagnation of traditional kickoff formations and eliminates the tyranny of boring touchbacks, delivering an enhanced and unpredictable experience to fans and players alike.

The Department of Sports Integrity is hereby directed to oversee the nationwide implementation and enforcement of Operation Warp Kick, with special attention to any deviations or violations of its standards.

Any team failing to execute Warp Kick shall face penalties in accordance with league regulations to be established by the Department.

This order takes effect immediately upon issuance.

Advance Regress