The Snworb

The Snworb

On the highest floor of Snworb Tower, a heated debate unfolds. Dr. Selene Hartwell, clad in her iconic orange and brown blazer, her expression a study in composed intensity, stands facing Dope DePaulsta, the Architect of Victory, whose eyes gleam with the fervor of his convictions.

They are discussing Week 2 game data and its strategic implications. Dr. Hartwell, with her astrophysical insights, argues for a nuanced approach, considering cosmic alignments and gravitational nuances that might influence player performance.

"On nights like these," she says, gesturing to the starlit sky, "when Jupiter aligns with Mars, the gravitational pull can subtly affect muscle elasticity and neural firing rates. It's not superstition; it's science. Our players are attuned to these cosmic rhythms, whether they realize it or not."

DePaulsta, ever the skeptic of what he can't quantify or dissect through his sabermetric lens, scoffs at her assertion. "Stars and planets? Next, you'll tell me an alien is giving us plays from the Horsehead Nebula! We need hard data, predictable patterns. What wins games is understanding probabilities, player stats, not astrology."

Dr. Hartwell, unflustered, retorts, "It's not astrology, Dope. It's about recognizing that we are part of a larger universe, and every force, every particle, has its role. Our recent victories? They're not just about numbers. They're about aligning our efforts with the rhythms of the cosmos. There's a harmony, a pattern that transcends what we see on the field."

Dope, pacing now, runs a hand through his hair. "Harmony, patterns... I deal in realities, Selene. And reality says that understanding player fatigue, opponent tendencies, and making data-driven decisions is what gets us wins. Not stargazing." Unnoticed by Selene, the sleeve of his robe momentarily rides up, revealing a faint glimmer of an intricate sigil etched upon his wrist.

The conversation intensifies as they pivot to the troubling trend of quarterback injuries—first 3GR, then Cown McJosh, each sidelined in successive weeks. Dr. Hartwell leans in, her voice steady but charged with concern. "These aren't random misfortunes, Dope. The patterns of their injuries, the timing - it speaks to more than just bad luck or tough gameplay. Have you considered that there may be unseen forces at work here, perhaps even sabotage?"

Dope's eyes narrow, a flicker of defensiveness passing through them as he responds, "Sabotage? That's a serious accusation, Selene. We deal with probabilities and statistics, remember? Injuries are part of the game - a harsh reality, but a reality nonetheless. We need to focus on prevention, better training..."

"But isn't it curious," Dr. Hartwell counters, "that these injuries occurred precisely when the stars suggested vulnerability? And yet, there's also the possibility of internal treachery. Remember, not everyone may have the team's best interests at heart."

Dope feels a prickle of unease; he doesn't want to follow this line of thought. Selene senses his apprehension. She changes the subject. Leaning over a large screen, she points. "Our defense adapted exceptionally to the Panhandles' tactics, especially in the final quarter," her finger tracing the trajectory of the decisive interception. "That wasn't mere chance. The deep space signals I monitor suggested heightened intuition and reflexes today. No coincidence we witnessed firsthand a game-changing turnover."

Dope, leaning over the display, nods grudgingly. "I won't deny there was something uncanny about that interception, but let's not veer into astrophysics. Our players' skill and preparation clinched that victory. My simulations of all the Columbus games highlighted vulnerabilities we exploited, especially their weak flank defense, which bought us those crucial points in the second half."

After a pause, Selene returns to the topic of quarterbacks, "The Californian is next up. What do you think?"

"All I can see is that helmet," says Dope, "It looks like a fishbowl. Where did he get it?"

"Jack gave it to him. Said he had a feeling Kocy would need it."

Dope rolls his eyes. "I'm going to start quantifying Miami factors for next week. Thank Baal we don't have the Jets until Week 8."

Advance Regress